Happy New Year to all! By the time I post this, Christmas is a memory (hopefully a pleasant one for everyone) and all that’s left now is to pay for it all when the credit card bill comes in! We had a lovely Christmas, with the day itself spent at my brother’s house for a multi-family lunch, and we hosted lunch at ours on Boxing Day, albeit for a smaller crowd. It was lovely and everyone appeared to enjoy themselves with no fisticuffs or tears that I’m aware of! Our New Year’s Eve was spent very quietly at home, watching the fireworks from our balcony.
Towards the end of our break my beautiful husband (David) and I visited my Dad, with him appearing very tired. Dad said he’d had virtually no sleep the night before due to thoughts racing around in his head. This struck me because I’m a lot like Dad in many ways (David points this out quite frequently!) and I had said exactly the same thing to David the day before – that I had had trouble sleeping for my mind racing. I love Dad but he is a real stress-head, and this made me realise that he has lived his whole life this way, stressing about little things. It doesn’t seem to have harmed him, he’s quite healthy, but that’s a far from ideal way to live each day. I decided at that point that I don’t want to be a slave to my thoughts for the rest of my life (I can’t change what’s gone before, but I would like to change my future).
I later expressed this to David who was most supportive and offered to give advice and prodding where required. My aim is to not ‘chase’ a thought to its perceived end all the time and thereby become a little more ‘peaceful’ internally. For example, worrying over an upcoming event I’m not confident about, then imagining all the possible ways it might go wrong; or mentally ‘beating myself up’ for things I’ve said or done that I could have handled a lot better.
Epic fail already – within several hours of said conversation with David I’d already fallen off the wagon and was reminded of same. It’s going to be a long hard road changing the habits – for that’s what they are, thought patterns are merely habits – of many years, but I’ll keep trying.